A lesson in disguise

I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I started a post that I thought 'wanted to be written'. It took a little tweaking and crafting but it was definitely blog-worthy.

I really wanted to finish it last night and hit 'publish' before going to bed. So I played with it and edited it, uploaded a couple of photos and then saved it so that I could attend to another computer matter.

I made my way back to my post, feeling very pleased with myself and what I had created. Then the shock and horror. No. It seems I didn't save it. Hours of work, gone. And no amount of ranting and crying would bring it back.

The over-achiever that I am wanted to press on, keep at it, work until it was done, no matter how long it took. But my emotions got the better of me and I decided to leave it till morning.

So here I am. Back at the desk. Staring at the screen, trying to recall the opening sentence and wondering why? My get up and go has gone.  Was it really something that wanted to be written? I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. So why did this happen? What is there to learn from it, to come from it, so that it could serve its purpose?

Most would say it's a lesson in backing up your work, and be done with it! But for me it's much more than that.

I think it's a big lesson in letting go. I was feeling quite 'proud' just before I discovered it was gone, so it is probably a good reminder not to get too attached to what we create. Which begs the question, who is creating? Where do the words come from?

I can't answer that. In fact I'm not sure anyone can. But I like to think it's my job to be a channel. To allow the words that want to be written, to be written. To move away from tight construing - objective, aim, outcome, purpose. Lose my self, my importance, my judgement, about what should or shouldn't be written and trust that what does come forth is what is meant to come forth.

I'm not sure that was happening yesterday, but it has definitely happened today.