The land of the lull

The lull.

I think I know it. I think I've experienced it.
But it didn't come about from sitting in stillness.
Yes, I was sitting at the time, but what happened was just as Sue Woolfe described.

I wanted to write a post for my blog, Seeker & Sage. I had thoughts about topics and ideas but nothing really grabbed me. Over and over those same thoughts, topics and ideas churned in my mind. I walked to clear my head - but I was still unclear when it was over. I washed dishes, but I found myself cooking dinner in my head instead!

I really really wanted to get this post written. So I went to the computer. Right. Write! Sentences came. I would follow them with a great deal of hope - this will be it... And then the backspace button would be furiously tapped. And then, from seemingly nowhere, the right words came and the post wrote itself. I was able to get into 'flow' and as Sue said, "get the writing to write itself."

Until this flow happens, there is torment, difficulty, struggle. It is in my nature to push and keep pushing till the work is done. I grew up in a household where we had to get all our jobs done before we could go out and play. And I am a diligent student - I took it all on board and brought it into my adult life. I live by the mantra "work first, play later." But the thing is, I never do - play that is. I am also a recovering perfectionist - I just keep working cos there is always more to be done. And it can always be done better.

So, you can imagine the shock I felt when Sue Woolfe said as writers "we want to play!" Play and work...together?  At the same time?

But I know what she means. I can honestly say that I am sitting here typing these words as they flow. There is ease. I am in the land of lull. And I am having fun, playing.

And I understand exactly Sue's point when she says "we want to lose control."
When I so desperately wanted to write that post, I was in complete control.  I wanted to control when I wrote, what I wrote, how I wrote. (Did I mention I am also a recovering control-freak?) I pushed harder and harder, and all that achieved was frustration. I blocked the flow.

What I had to do was let go. Lose control. Surrender.
Let my mind write what it wanted to write.

And when I did, time stood still.
The words filled the page.
The writing wrote itself.